7/16/04 A Shameless Day! SENTENCED!
Five months in prison, five months in mansion arrest. Call us crazy, but we'd bet that most people wouldn't call committing a securities violation (trading shares on insider info) and then lying about it to investigators (obstruction of justice) a "small personal matter." They'd call it a BIG DEAL. We say the Stacked Deck Queen of Hearts is living in her own little shameless circus of unprecedented proportion.

7/08/04 MOTION DENIED!
"Because there is no reasonable likelihood that this perjury could have affected the jury's verdict, and because overwhelming independent evidence supports the verdict, the motions are denied," said U.S. District Judge to poor Miss Martha and legal team. You'd think with all that money she must be paying them, they'd come up with something a little more solid, unless there's nothing there in the first place...?

7/08/04 GUILTY!
Adelphia Communications founder John Rigas and his son Timothy were convicted of conspiracy (for looting the cable operator), bank fraud and securities fraud. Apparently they used company money to buy 17 cars (for papa John), cover margin loans, buy personal stock, and lots of golf for son Tim (a $13 million golf course plus a $700,000 club membership). Some of the charges carry sentences of up to 30 years. Hope that club membership was worth it.

7/06/04 INDICTED!
The grand master, the big cheese, the head honcho, the Stacked Deck Ace of Spades finally gets his due!

5/03/04 Guilty! UPDATE!
Stacked Deck 10 of Clubs and IPO-spin meister Frank Quattrone is convicted on two counts of obstruction and one count of witness tampering. Looks like the jury cleaned his files!

5/03/04 Sick & Tired! UPDATE!
Are Adelphia founders up to their tricks? From faking finances to faking sick? Last time we did that was elementary school.

3/05/04 GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES!
Looks like the interruption in Martha's "really fine existence" is going to last a little longer than planned. The Queen of Hearts is guilty of conspiracy, lying and obstruction. No doubt there will be plenty of cabbage to cut in Martha's soon to be Big House.

And to all those twisted Martha fans who gave the Stacked Deck a lot of shit for including her in the deck, it's time you ponied up, bought a deck and learned a thing or two. Here are some of our favorites:

"Martha Stewart should NOT be included  with those corporate thugs who bilked millions and billions from their companies. She is being scapegoated.  When she submits expenses for reimbursement, they are legitimate.  She can find inspiration anyplace for her kingdom of businesses.  All is grist for her creative and artistic mill.You should be ashamed of yourselves for placing her in that rotten group." [The Stacked Deck: Great email, but we took a pass on the shame.]

"Hello!  I like your stacked deck, but upon looking at your sample card I found it very fitting for our culture .. and perhaps your company as well ... that you would choose to put the one "player" who has hurt the American people the very least .. she only hurt herself.  Why didn't you choose the top Enron people??? [The Stacked Deck: We did. Seven, in fact]   

The Enron execs hurt a lot of Americans ... Martha really only hurt herself (and her broker)I suggest you re-think your choice of Martha Stewart for your sample card.  Too typical of our culture to lamblast a woman .. when OTHERS ... several men .... have hurt all of us so very much more!! " [The Stacked Deck: We have policy of equal opportunity satire, and do not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, age, disability, religion or sexual orientation. However, no lambs have made the current edition of The Stacked Deck]

"Be real. Do not insult people with at least an ounce of intelligence. Why is Martha Stewart with the crooks who cheated at the expense of employees, customers and shareholders.... Do you honestly believe Martha Stewart should be in rank with Enron, Tyco, Worldcom crooks?  She only sold her shares of Imclone before it tanked. We still do not know if it was legitimate or not unlike other "decked" crooks. You know Martha Stewart name sells so that you get on the bandwagon like any other less than honest creatures in business of making money by usurping her name.  It is in, greedy and downright insulting. You should be in the deck of cards as a crook." [The Stacked Deck: Hey, we'd love to have a deck with us in it. What do you think? Are we worthy?]

"Do not insult us by trying to make money be selling nonsensical garbage. Aim a bit higher and use your position for enhancing the consciousness of this great country ." [The Stacked Deck: Good point here. Who knows how boring our salads would still be today if it weren't for Martha.]