3/05/04 GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES!
Looks like the interruption in Martha's "really fine existence" is going to last a little longer than planned. The Queen of Hearts is guilty of conspiracy, lying and obstruction. No doubt there will be plenty of cabbage to cut in Martha's soon to be Big House.

And to all those twisted Martha fans who gave the Stacked Deck a lot of shit for including her in the deck, it's time you ponied up, bought a deck and learned a thing or two. Here are some of our favorites:

"Martha Stewart should NOT be included  with those corporate thugs who bilked millions and billions from their companies. She is being scapegoated.  When she submits expenses for reimbursement, they are legitimate.  She can find inspiration anyplace for her kingdom of businesses.  All is grist for her creative and artistic mill.You should be ashamed of yourselves for placing her in that rotten group." [The Stacked Deck: Great email, but we took a pass on the shame.]

"Hello!  I like your stacked deck, but upon looking at your sample card I found it very fitting for our culture .. and perhaps your company as well ... that you would choose to put the one "player" who has hurt the American people the very least .. she only hurt herself.  Why didn't you choose the top Enron people??? [The Stacked Deck: We did. Seven, in fact]   

The Enron execs hurt a lot of Americans ... Martha really only hurt herself (and her broker)I suggest you re-think your choice of Martha Stewart for your sample card.  Too typical of our culture to lamblast a woman .. when OTHERS ... several men .... have hurt all of us so very much more!! " [The Stacked Deck: We have policy of equal opportunity satire, and do not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, age, disability, religion or sexual orientation. However, no lambs have made the current edition of The Stacked Deck]

"Be real. Do not insult people with at least an ounce of intelligence. Why is Martha Stewart with the crooks who cheated at the expense of employees, customers and shareholders.... Do you honestly believe Martha Stewart should be in rank with Enron, Tyco, Worldcom crooks?  She only sold her shares of Imclone before it tanked. We still do not know if it was legitimate or not unlike other "decked" crooks. You know Martha Stewart name sells so that you get on the bandwagon like any other less than honest creatures in business of making money by usurping her name.  It is in, greedy and downright insulting. You should be in the deck of cards as a crook." [The Stacked Deck: Hey, we'd love to have a deck with us in it. What do you think? Are we worthy?]

"Do not insult us by trying to make money be selling nonsensical garbage. Aim a bit higher and use your position for enhancing the consciousness of this great country ." [The Stacked Deck: Good point here. Who knows how boring our salads would still be today if it weren't for Martha.]

3/04/04 Gotcha! INDICTED!
WorldCom's big fish and Stacked Deck King of Spades  is set to get tossed over the coals thanks to his old cohort Scott Sullivan. Apparently he still does think he did anything wrong.  And, poor guy, he stands to lose a whole lot of money. Aw, shucks.

3/03/04 We Thought You Said You Weren't Guilty? Guilty!
"I took these actions, knowing they were wrong, in a misguided effort to preserve the company to allow it to withstand what I believed were temporary financial difficulties," said the former WorldCom CFO and Stacked Deck King of Hearts , who apparently plans to testify against his old boss and sell his $15 million Boca Raton estate with movie theater and six Jacuzzis and use the proceeds to reimburse fraud victims. Amazing how fast one can change their turn when facing 25 years in prison.

2/19/04 Worth the Wait! INDICTED!
" He did not steal, he did not lie, he did not take anyone's money," says Skilling's lawyer, after Stacked Deck Jack of Spades pleaded not guilty to a 36-count indictment. Right.

For some comments from the huckster himself, check out this piece. The Stacked Deck's favorite: "Enron was an enormous corporation. Could I have known everything going on everywhere in the company? I had to rely on the best people. We hired the best people. We had excellent, excellent outside accountants and lawyers." Would he be referring to Fastow, Glisan and, of course, Anderson?

2/11/04 Cabbage Head Update
Martha "I'm innocent" Stewart, Stacked Deck Queen of Hearts, may have her fine existence interrupted for a good number of years, following the testimony of Stacked Deck Three of Spades Douglas Faneuil and her very own executive assistant. What does all this stuff about doctoring messages from her broker and lying to the SEC have to do with arugula and gorgonzola anyway? We're sure that mystery sell order for Imclone shares at $60 will surface one of these days... Martha may need to practice her poker game for the pokie, so click here to see what kind of hand your dealt against Martha, Sam and his buddies of the big-house!

2/10/04 Bonus My Ass Update
OK, so I was a corporate officer at a public company. So I gave myself $12 million plus in bonuses that were not authorized by the board. So I looted the company out of about $600 million with my co-defendant. What's wrong with that? I'm innocent!

2/6/04 Same Old Qwest Update
Well, the SEC and Spitzer may have let Qwest execs get off easy, but not everyone is as forgiving, especially when you lose $100 million plus. Stichting Pensioenfonds APB, a large pension fund in the Netherlands, has filed suite against Qwest and many renowned Stacked Deck faces, including Philip Anschutz (Two of Spades), ousted CEO Joe Nacchio (Nine of Spades), Jack Grubman (Jack of Clubs), and Citigroup and Arthur Andersen (whose chairmen grace our quality cards).

2/6/04 Lifestyle Lioness - Underwater... Update
Faneuil may be the Stacked Deck three of spades, but anyone who can put Ms. Martha in her place can't be all bad... Now let's hope he can do it one more time - when it really counts!

1/18/04 You Scratch My Back, I'll... Buy You a Convertible - Update
From Martha Stewart's brokers to Tyco secretaries, looks like Stacked Deckers' preferred way of keeping underlings quiet was good old fashioned bribery. Our favorite: Mary Lou Egan, secretary for former Rite Aide exec Franklin Brown (and Stacked Deck 10 of Diamonds), who testified of being "uncomfortable" with the "overly generous" offer of $25k from her boss a week after she helped him manufacture documents that qualified him for thousands of shares of stock. So she only took $22k for a new car. Apparently you don't have to be a crooked exec to act like one...