1/15/04 Fastow to Get Lay-ed - Update
Looks like self-professed clueless Ken is sensing that the jig is up now that old buddy Andy is going to start spilling the beans... We're still trying to decide which is worse: taking part in the accounting conspiracy or, as CEO and Chairman of a major public entity, having no clue of the company's financial condition.

1/15/04 It's About Friggin' Time! - GUILTY!
America's king and queen of funky financing, the Fastows, have finally done a deal with prosecutors that sees the former Enron CFO cough up $29 million in illegally gotten gains and spend 10 years behind bars. The poor little missus is likely to get off easy with a few months in jail. After all, she's got two little kids at home. We're just curious -- is it customary for criminals to get off easy if they have kids? Since when was having children a mitigating factor in plea bargaining? We bet the kids of the thousands of people out there who lost their life savings because of the shenanigans of these two that have different opinion on this matter...

1/14/04 Catch Up If You Can! - Update
From Enron to WorldCom, mutual funds and more, is it just us? Or does it ever seem like the SEC is trying to chase Lamborghinis and Porsches with a go-cart?

Merry Christmas How the Grinch Stole Your 401K- From US to YOU!
A new Christmas classic, for the age of Enron
When accounting is porous, responsibility no fun
We wish you the best for these holiday times
And hope for an end to these corporate crimes
(Print it out and send with your cards - or just read it at the office party)

1/7/04 Fastow to Show His Hand? - Update!
Looks like Fastow's lengthy game of liar's poker is about to come to a close. We just hope the prosecutors don't fold.

1/7/04 Poor Martha - Update!
Let the games begin....

12/22/03 Martha Stewart: "It's the saddest holiday ever!" - Update!
We weep for you, Martha.

12/11/03 Mutual Funds: No End in Sight... - New Deck Nominee!
Massachusetts state regulators have charged Prudential Securities with widespread late trading, while the SEC has charged Heartland Advisors Inc. for insider trading and price manipulation of its bond funds. This just isn't funny anymore.

12/10/03 Crybabies! - Update!
Former HealthSouth femme fatales and Stacked Deck 2 of Hearts Angela Ayers, Cathy Edwards and Rebecca Kay Morgan and Virginia Valentine wept like babies as the judge read out their slaps on the wrist for the acknowledged complicity in the healthcare firm's financial cover-up. We're almost getting teary-eyed...

12/08/03 This Thing is a Pig!- Update!
The fallen dot-com analyst and Stacked Deck 7 of Clubs Henry Blodget is covering the Martha Stewart case for Slate. Whatever...

12/05/03 Fallen Stars - New Deck Nominee!
Former CEO David C. Wittig and former chief strategic officer Douglas T. Lake of Kansas utility Westar each face 40 counts in a federal indictment. They are accused of trying to loot the company for their Kozlowski-esque lifestyles. Highlights: a Ferrari, lots of home renovations including a $29,000 custom-built television wall unit, and free rides on the corporate jet (of course!).

12/03/03 Incestco - New Deck Nominee!
In more fallout among mutual funds, NY and Colorado attorneys general and the SEC have charged Denver-based Invesco Funds Group and CEO Raymond Cunningham with defrauding investors by allowing market timed trading for some clients. The company denies wrongdoing and plans to contest the charges, despite the fact that the compalints cite internal emails from the chief investment officer explicitly warning against the practice. Looks like Cunningham is headed the way of the Strong man - out the door!

11/21/03 Fudgin' Freddie - Update!
Those former execs at mortgage giant Freddie Mac, it turns out, hid some $5 billion in earnings. Apparently no one told them that, when you engage in accounting fraud, you're supposed to inflate earnings, not hide them. Didn't these guys learn anything in business school?

11/21/03 Ride 'em, Cowboy! - New Deck Nominee!
The SEC and Elliot "John Wayne" Spitzer rounded up a few more duplicitous fund wranglers, this time the founders of the Pilgrim Baxter mutual fund group, Gary Pilgrim and Howard Baxter. The civil charges contend these two were directly involved in an illicit trading scheme: one trading arrangement netted some $3.9 million for Pilgrim alone. To all those Pilgrim Baster investors, can you say "withdrawal"?

11/20/03 Blacklisted - New Deck Nominee!
Newpaper published Hollinger paid its CEO and his cronies $32 million and change in unapproved "non-compete" fees. Now, we're no experts in employment contracts, but when you are employed to work for a company, aren't you actually supposed to work for it? In any event, these payments apparently led to accounting overstatements, and the SEC seems to be taking an interest.

11/17/03 Screwing One Client at a Time - Update
Morgan Stanley, that little financial institution that settled to the tune of $125 million back April for that whole research scandal (apparently that "Chinese wall" between research and i-banking had a few holes in it), has been caught duping its clients once again, this time for pushing select mutual funds on unsuspecting clients and getting kickbacks from the fund companies in return. That whole "timed trades" practice was way too complicated anyway. Now this is good old mutual fund fraud -- Morgan Stanley style!

11/14/03 Mad Cow Disease - New Deck Nominee!
The SEC has filed suit against former Gateway CEO Jeffrey Weitzen, ex-CFO John J. Todd and former controller Robert D. Manza, charging the three with securities fraud for inflating earnings back in 2000. Let's just hope those disgorgement penalties include plasma TVs

11/14/03 Negative Energy - New Deck Nominee!
A federal jury has convicted Jamie Olisa, a former Dynegy executive, of fraud and conspiracy stemming from a bogus 2001 natural gas deal that apparently involved buying natural gas from a bank-backed entity at a $300 million discount, reselling it at market prices, booking the $300 million as cash flow and taking a nice tax break. The hitch: a secret agreement to repay the $300 million. Who pitched the idea? Would you believe Andersen?

11/14/03 A Mug Only a Mother Could Love- Update!
A preliminary hearing in Oklahoma for MCI's financial boy wonder ex-CFO Scott Sullivan has been set for late January. The courthouse in Oklahoma has a great staff photographer.

11/09/03 You Sit on My Lap, I'll Sit on Yours - Update!
11/9/03 You Sit on My Lap, I'll Sit on Yours
Corporate directors are still a bit too cozy with one another...

11/05/03 Everyone Else is Lying! - Update!
Yes, it must be tough when everyone who works for you is a liar. And having a name like Scrushy can't help, either.

11/05/03 Stewart Traumatized by Head of Lettuce - Update!
Don't worry, Martha, we still love you! One day you'll be able to eat coleslaw again.

11/03/03 Scrushy to Get Squished - Update!
Apparently HealthSouth's former CEO and financial spin doctor Richard Scrushy is about to get a fairly unpleasant piece of paper from government prosecutors. Let's hope the prognosis includes jail time.

11/03/03 Sleeping on the Job - NEW Deck Nominee!
Well, I guess given the fact that not even a handful of the Stacked Deck's top face cards have been brought to justice, apparently a bunch of Senators had to look like they were doing something. So they decided to rip into the SEC.

11/03/03 Infected - Update!
Hey, if you've already planned and perpetrated a $3 billion accounting fraud, what's another $500k in legal fees once you're caught? Apparently nothing to these HealthSouth execs.

11/03/03 Who Passed Gas?- NEW Deck Nominee!
The trial begins for Jamie Olis, a former finance vice president at power and gas marketing company Dynergy. He faces charges criminal conspiracy, securities fraud, mail fraud and wire fraud for disguising a $300 million loan to boost the company's bottom line. Something stinks...

11/02/03 Two-Timing - NEW Deck Nominee!
Looks like Richard Strong, founder of mutual fund company Strong Capital Management and one of Forbes 400 richest, is just a greedy, cheatin', mutual-fund timing SOB.

10/31/03 Enron Rerun - Update!
One-time energy hotshot and Enron North America David Delainey plead guilty for his role in the company's scheme to inflate earnings and also acknowledged trading his options on non-public information. Apparently he has promised to cooperate with prosecutors. Perhaps he can deliver the goods on his one-time mentor, former CEO Jeffrey Skilling. Big surprise that's who taught him the tricks of the trade.

10/31/03 Poor Putnam - NEW Deck Nominee!
First Massachusetts pulls out its funds, now Iowa, New York, Pennsylvania and Rhode Island. That over $4 billion. What is it about state pension plans that they don't want their assets managed by a bunch of market-timing manipulators? The problem is, can they find money managers who aren't?

10/29/03 Mickey Mouse - NEW Deck Nominee!
Our question: how many directors serving on the board of public companies used to be Mousketeers?

10/29/03 You've Got Big Lips - NEW Deck Nominee!
Edward Strafaci, former executive vice president and director of fixed income money management at Lipper Holdings, has been charged with securities fraud and investment advisory fraud for overstating the value of two hedge funds by hundreds of millions. As a result, investors were told their investments were growing at nine to 15 percent in each year between 1995 and 2000, when actually they were losing money. Dude, what were you thinking?

10/28/03 Fleeting Financials - Stacked Deck Idiot Award
The SEC has alleged Guillermo Garcia Simon, a former FleetBoston employee in Buenos Aires, and relatives stood to make $1 million or more on call options purchased ahead of the merger of his former employer and Bank of America. Uh, doesn't the SEC generally checks trading activities of employees around such deals?

10/28/03 Toga! Toga! Toga! - Update!
Dennis Kozlowski. Wife's 40th birthday party. $2.2 million. Trial. Jury. Need we say more?

10/27/03 Executive Detention - Update!
Former K-Mart revenue inflation meisters Tony Montini and Joseph Hofmeister are set to start trial for securities fraud, conspiracy and lying to the SEC. And then there's the lawsuits pending against a host of former K-mark execs for, among other things, an executive loan program that netted higher-ups millions while the company spiraled towards bankruptcy and tens of thousands lost their jobs.

10/24/03 Putz - NEW Deck Nominee!
Putnam Investments has fired four money managers for profiting from illegal timed trades of the funds they were managing. What is it about this business, that these bums thing they can get away with anything? Could it be they were watching Frank's trial?

10/24/03 Hang This Jury!- Update
It's just hard to believe that, in the matter of the "clean up those files" email, this is the one thing that the high-tech superstar banker didn't know what he was doing.

10/24/03 Take That, Jack! - Update
A class action lawsuit against MCI & Citigroup's Saloman Smith Barney was given the go-ahead. We love Citigroup's argument for why they cannot be held liable: that its telecoms analyst, Jack Grubman, as one of many analysts covering WorldCom, could not have had an impact on the stock price. The judge's response: "Nothing in the defendants' briefs addresses why Grubman was paid approximately $20 million a year in compensation ... if his reports were irrelevant to the market." At least one court got it right today.

10/23/03 Are They Sure It's Right? - Update
Massive money-loser and overall dissappointer Lucent has finally posted a profit.
With its record of even more massive financial restatements and executive payouts, we wonder if someone shouldn't do a doubletake on the numbers.

10/17/03 Rite On!- Update
Former Rite Aid Vice Chairman Franklin Brown was found guilty on 10 criminal counts, including obstruction of grand jury proceedings, witness tampering and lying to the SEC. Let's hope this is the first of many convictions to come!

10/17/03 Higher Education
Apparently ethical lapses aren't the sole purview of corporate execs. Now universities are joining the fray. Seton Hall University in New Jersey has a lecture hall named after Kozlowski. The University of Michigan medical center and architecture college carry the name of graduate A. Alfred Taubman, the price-fixing prince of Sotheby's. And - get this - the University of Missouri is having trouble filing an endowed chair in economics named for alumnus Ken Lay. It's amazing what you can rationalize when $1.1 million is at stake.

10/16/03 Out of Funds - NEW Deck Nominee!
Spitzer nabs another in the mutual fund probe. James P. Connelly Jr., former vice chairman and chief mutual fund officer at Fred Alger & Co., faces a $400,000 civil penalty and up to four years in prison for market timing and obstruction of justice charges. Wow, chief mutual fund officer at Fred Alger -- the higher they fly, the lower they sink.

10/10/03 Joe and Phil, Together Again - Update
Joseph Nacchio, former Qwest CEO who earned a $100 million plus in 2001 while overseeing the telecom firms shares tank from $60 to under $4, has joined Qwest cohort Philip Anschutz in settling with Spitzer over IPO spinning. Joe has settled for $400,000 and, like Phil, admitted no wrongdoing for receiving privileged access to hot IPOs in return for handing Salomon Smith Barney plenty of banking business. Joe has settled for $400,000 and, like Phil, admitted no wrongdoing for receiving privileged access to hot IPOs in return for handing Salomon Smith Barney plenty of banking business.

10/7/03 Maybe She IS Innocent?- Update
But perhaps she's just terrified about having to eat the same kind of lettuce for 15 years. There's no endive, arugula or crumbled gorgonzola in the slammer. Just iceberg baby!

10/6/03 Infidelity - NEW Deck Nominee!
The list of mutual fund firms being probed for market timing issues by Spitzer's office is growing, and including some the industry's biggest names: Fidelity, Vanguard, Putnam, Prudential. Well, at least somebody has made some money on the stock market in the last few years.

10/3/03 More Bad Timing - NEW Deck Nominee!
Merrill Lynch has fired three, Prudential axes 12, in more mutual fund timing. We don't know about you, but we've always felt those outstanding financial managers were looking out for our interests!

10/3/03 Audit This - Update
Thomas Yoho joins four current and former KPMG partners on a complaint in federal court in New York, which alleges that their 1997-2000 audits of Xerox allowed the firm to to manipulate its financial statements to the tune of $3 billion. Xerox has already settled for $10m with the SEC without, of course, admitting any wrongdoing. Why do we feel like we keep reading the same bad copies again and again?

10/3/03 Grasso's Good Old Boys - NEW Deck Nominee!
Looks like former NYSE Chairman Dick "Could I have some more please" Grasso earned his Wall St. money the old fashioned way: he made dubious insider deals for it. He apparently pressured a major Big Board floor firm to increase its purchases of shares of giant insurer AIG after receiving written complaints from Chairman Maurice "Hank" Greenberg who, by the way, was on the NYSE compensation committe when Dickie got his nice fat pay package. Hey Dick, is there anything else we should know about? This isn't the first time bully Hank Greenberg has appeared on these pages. He's now a New Deck Nominee!

9/30/03 From NYSE to AMEX - NEW Deck Nominee!
The SEC is now looking to activities at the American Stock Exchange, including whether the Amex failed to properly fill stock and option orders and tried to cover up regulatory shortcomings by submitting false reports to the SEC. AMEX Chairman Salvatore Sodano is already under fire for accepting a $5.6 million paycheck in 2002 and a $22 million retirement package while the price of seat on the exchange has tumbled in recent years. Looks like Salvatore is worth every penny.

9/30/03 Bad Timing - NEW Deck Nominee!
Alliance Capital and Janus are the latest mutual fund firms to be caught in the expanding market timing racket in the mutual funds industry. Hey here's an idea, investors: how about we pull some of their funding?

9/30/03 Bad Medicine
Former Merck subsidiary Medco has been charged with fraud for getting doctors to switch patients to medications of certain firms (e.g. Merck) and getting kickbacks (in the hundreds of millions). The government also accused Medco Health Solutions of ignoring safety rules at its mail-order drug centers, altering its records to avoid paying penalties and failing to follow state laws requiring pharmacists to consult with doctors about certain prescriptions. Looks like generics are definitely the way to go.

9/29/03 Something Smells Rotten -Update!
The SEC is looking into possible insider trading at two Morgan Stanley mutual funds. The Morgan Stanley Strategist Fund and Morgan Stanley 21st Century Trend Fund acquired more than one million shares of Dean Foods days after an important meeting to discuss the possible acquisition of Dean Foods by Suiza Foods Corp. Morgan Stanley was advising Dean Foods on the deal.

9/29/03 Fowl Play - Update!
Well, we need to add yet another HealthSouth exec to The Stacked Deck. Catherine Fowler, former vice president of treasury and cash manager, has been charged with conspiracy to deceive auditors and maintain false books and records and has agreed to plead guilty. She joins 14 former colleagues from the company who have plead guilty -- we're still waiting for the Scrushy man.

9/29/03 Getting Lay-ed - Update!
The SEC has filed papers to force "clueless" Ken Lay to hand over docs on the Enron investigation. He says he doesn't have to on Fifth Amendment grounds. Why do we get the feeling he's going to be using the Fifth quite a bit in the future...?

9/29/03 Drugstore Cowboy - Update!
Former Rite Aid executive and Stacked Deck 10 of Diamonds Franklin C. Brown starts trial today for violating securities law, lying to accountants and auditors, knowingly keeping false books and records, and lining his pockets in the process.

9/28/03 High on the Hog
With less than 48 hours before he was to stand trial on charges of looting $600 million from his company, disgraced Tyco chief Dennis Kozlowski threw a $400k Hollywood-style wedding for his daughter in Nantucket, where he owns a $5.8 million home. The caterers had to sign confidentiality agreements. "I hope the bride's paying for the wedding and not the Tyco shareholders," said one local. Our bet: they already have.

9/26/03 And Heads Will Roll...
9/26/03 And Heads Will Roll...
... at the NYSE, from the executive suite to the Board. Although none of them are so nicely shaped for rolling as the 140-million-dollar man.

9/26/03 We Love Court TV - Update!
Two big trials to start on Monday: Stacked Deck 10 of Clubs and IPO spin-meister Frank Quattrone, and ex Tyco execs Kozlowski (Ace of Diamonds) and Swartz (Queen of Diamonds). We can't wait to catch a glimpse of the evidence -- expense reports, shower curtains, and of course the ice sculpture video!

9/25/03 Friends of Frank - Update!
Looks like we need to do a deck just of the friends of CSFB spin-meister of hot tech IPOs Frank Quattrone, whose obstruction of justice trial starts next week. His buddies -- many execs and VCs of now defunct or deeply humbled tech firms -- made off with millions.

9/25/03 McCalling It Quits - NEW Deck Nominee!
H. Carl McCall, former New York State comptroller, ordained minister and chair of the NYSE' s exemplar compensation committee, has resigned Thursday from the Big Board. Let's he is just the first of many Board members to go the way of Grasso: Out the door (do not pass go, but collect your $140m severance).

9/23/03 Mac Attack - NEW Deck Nominee!
Freddie Mac, in order to keep that steady, polished image underreported its earnings between 2000 and 2002 by $4.5 billion. We'll take fries with that.

9/23/03 You've Got Fewer Customers
Following a four-year investigation by the FTC, AOL has agreed to stop billing customers who cancel their service. We're amazed anyone still pays for that service.

9/23/03 You've Got Jail! - NEW Deck Nominee!
Two former PurchasePro execs plead to fraud for scheming to -- what else? -- make 'em look like they were making more than they really were. Jeffrey Anderson, and Scott Miller both face fines and jail time. Partner in crime -- a "major media company." Apparently there were all kinds of bogus dealings between PurchasePro and the "major media company." The investigation continues...

9/19/03 Tyco Party Favors
How about an ice sculpture of Michelangelo's David with vodka streaming from his penis? We didn't make that up -- it's all on tape. Dennis Kozlowski allegedly spent more than $2 million of Tyco funds on a birthday party for his wife, and there's a videotape that his lawyer is trying to get sealed. Other highlights: an exploding birthday cake with a replica of a woman's breasts on top. Wonder how that got booked on the expense report.

9/18/03 Home Cookin' - NEW Deck Nominee!
Three former execs from Homestore, an online real estate company with very unreal financial statements, got slapped with civil and criminal charges by the SEC and U.S. attorney's office in California for helping the company overstate 2001 advertising revenues by $46.4 million. They have plead guilty and are cooperating with investigators... perhaps to go after former CEO and once ultra e-hotshot Stuart Wolff?

9/18/03 One Down, More to Go
Grasso gets the boot (to the Hamptons with his $140 mil). By our count, there are a few more heads that still need to roll out the Big Board's door...

9/17/03 Building Public Trust
Accounting stars PWC, KPMG and E&Y are in court for some outstanding accounting of their own travel expenses. It's all billable, baby! That's right -- full fares even when these high fliers got big volume discounts.

9/16/03 Enron Comes Back to Bite Ex-Merrill Execs
Daniel Bayly, global head of the investment banking division at Merrill Lynch from 1999 until 2001, and Robert Furst, a former managing director of Merrill and Enron relationship manager in 1999 and 2000, are set to be named in an indictment. In the grand tradition of Merrill Lynch, we expect they'll admit no wrongdoing.

9/16/03 BoA Constrictor
Spitzer and the SEC put the squeeze on Theodore Sihpol III, the fired BoA guy, with criminal and civil charges of grand larceny and violations of securities law for helping Canary engage in market timing. Tighter baby, tighter!

9/12/03 Good Timing
BoA ousts execs tied to mutual fund timing scam targetted by Spitzer. Yet while are so many of the Enron deal makers at JP Morgan, Citigroup and others still on the job?

9/12/03 A Mirror to KPMG?
KPMG, whose claim to fame includes reviewing the books for Xerox, is criticized for its role (or lack thereof) in the failure of auditing client and catalogue retailer Spiegel.

9/12/03 All Mutual Funds Rigged?
Some 90% of mutual funds allow big traders to market time, according to this study. We can't think of anything funny to say here.

9/12/03 Go Go Grasso!
This guy got a $5 million bonus for his performance during the Sept. 11 crisis and getting the market up and running in four days. We wonder what kind of bonuses those firemen and policemen got for shuttling tens of thousands to safety out of the towers and lower Manhattan. Last we heard, they had to threaten to sue the city just to get overtime pay.

9/12/03 Unbearable
BearingPoint, formerly KPMG Consulting, is getting sued by shareholders, following a restatement of three quarters of financials. Accenture made a prescient move in changing its name (though we're less fond of the zillions spent on rebranding). Maybe this time the old KPMG accountants are glad the overpaid MBAs changed theirs.

9/11/03 Smoking Grass
Dick Gra$$o's pay package drama just gets better and better. Not only did he have plenty of influence on his compensation despite claiming that he did not, but he also got "birthday bonuses," a 9/11 bonus, and tons of perks, from private jet travel to club memberships, and insulation from liability relating to any potential NYSE scandals. This thing is starting to crack open the extremely insular and mysterious NYSE boys club to public view. Now it's time to knock it wide open. Enough is enough!

9/10/03 FINALLY!
Ex Enron Treasurer and Stacked Deck Six of Spades Ben Glisan admits to conspiracy and gets sentenced to five years in prison. He's the first Enron-ite to go jail, almost two years since the scandal broke. Clearly there's more work to be done.

9/10/03 DOJ, Congress Should Investigate Brianna
Finally we're seeing some of the worst offenders get caught and admit their guilt. Clearly the music recording industry is setting an example for us all.

9/10/03 Another $48M To Go - NEW Deck Nominee!
The NYSE's $140 million dollar chairman Dick Grasso offered to give up an additional $48 million in compensation that the NYSE Board failed to disclose last week. A piece in today's NY Times points out that in 2001, the board awarded him total pay of $30.55 million, while the exchange reported earnings of $31.8 million. "There is no way I could have anticipated the levels of pay that I've enjoyed," he said, "but look what I have achieved." Yes Dick, you're the best. Everybody loves you.

9/4/03 Bonds of Deceit - NEW Deck Nominee!
Former senior Goldman Sachs economist John Youngdahl and Wall Street consultant Peter Davis were slapped today with criminal charges for exchanging and acting upon insider information on Treasuries. The civil complaint by the SEC also names Steven Nothern, who was a senior vice president at MFS Investment Management. The SEC also contends both Goldman and MFS didn't have proper controls in place to keep traders from acting illegally on insider information. DUH!!!

9/3/03 Mutually Beneficial - NEW Deck Nominee!
Mr. Spitzer is at it again, going after Bank One Corp.'s Banc One funds, Bank of America's Nations Funds, Janus Capital Group Inc. and Strong Capital Management for possible collusion with hedge fund Canary Capital Partners LLC (among others...?) for engaging in illegal trading practices. Go get 'em!

9/3/03 Search the Web - NEW Deck Nominee!
9/3/03 Search the Web
The DOJ is looking into a questionable restatement by a WebMD